THE five minute EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EI) NEWSLETTER - by Johanna Vanderpol

Live the life you've always wanted through emotional intelligence -
Because of the masses of information we are subject to each day, I have purposely kept this newsletter brief. As a regular subscriber, this is a good way to increase your emotional intelligence little by little, day by day. Each issue will have an action step or exercise designed to increase your EI. This is my gift to you. Enjoy.

1. This Newsletter's Theme - Lifting the Emotional Burden of Judgment
2. Did you know? - Social Intelligence, It's health implications for Introverts and Extroverts
3. Quote - From the spiritual writings on Judgment
4. Action step for you - Feel Better
5. Services & Products for you - Support for your life

1.  Lifting the emotional burden of self-judgment and judgment of others
Negative self-judgment is the key to creating chronic depression. Judgment of others is the key to conflict, disappointment and unfulfilling relationships. So why do we keep hanging on to these ways of being? And what emotions and beliefs are driving us to and away from these ways of being? Is all judgment bad? And what is the difference between judgment and discernment? What does this have to do with emotions?
Whoa. Lots of questions. Let's start with some basic premises. Judgment has gotten a bad rap over the years. Not all judgment is bad. We need a sense of good judgment to navigate our way through life. Our judgment will spring from our values and allow us to live in alignment with our values and create self-respect. However, all of us carry some degree of judgment that slams ourselves and other people as bad. And all of us have some judgments based on inaccurate beliefs about ourselves and the world. This is where we run into trouble. This is where negative self-judgment leads to smaller thinking of what's possible for us to do in our lifetime, low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. And excessive judgment of others without it being balanced by compassion and understanding leads to conflict and disappointment in relationships. And the emotions generated by negative and inaccurate judgment are also negative and have a detrimental effect on our mind and body. So, what to do? This is where discernment comes in.
We need our judgment to guide us in deciding what we will accept in our life that is in alignment with our values, goals and beliefs. We need our judgment to create an external environment of people, places and activities that nourish our soul and activate our potential. We need our judgment to steer clear of people, places and activities that erode our soul and limit activation of our potential. We need our judgment of ourselves and our internal environment to create internal course corrections and to monitor when we are on the right track. Our emotions will tell us when we are on the right track. There will be a feeling of "Yeah, this is right." We need our judgment of our internal environment to determine what thoughts we think and activities we choose that are good for us or not good for us. When confusion sets in, we need to search for the conflicting beliefs or values within ourselves that are not allowing us to be clear about our direction. We need to sort out the mental chatter that comes from external and internal "shoulds" that are not in alignment with our highest good. This is the true reason for honouring our sense of judgment. Judgment need not be a dirty word.
So, when does judgment become counter-productive? Negative self-judgment is counter productive. Most of this comes from adopting earlier critical voices from our family, school, culture and experiences. The key to turning this around is to become aware of a thought that is negative of self and replacing it with a thought that is positive toward self. If there is any true negative to honour, it would be wise to make sure it is an accurate self-judgment and then to accept oneself in spite of it, forgive oneself, learn from it and put action steps in place to improve that part of yourself. But it would not be wise to continually punish the self for something you didn't like. Negative judgment of others can come from a lack of intolerance of oneself (projection) as well as conditioning through early models and culture. But you have the choice to view people with compassion and understanding and a genuine frame of inquiry about that person. If you come from this intention, your dealings with other people and your judgment of them will be different. You won't be embroiled in anger as much and will be freed up to experience more positive emotions and interactions with others. On the other hand, it is wise to know when the negative judgment of others is accurate and can be used as a guide to determine who will be in your sphere of influence. Sometimes the judgment will help you steer clear of situations or people that are harmful to you.
These are just a few thoughts on the positive and negative side of judgment. It is better to know the whole picture of judgment instead of just seeing it as a bad way to be. When we ask ourselves if our judgment is accurate, in line with our values and we give ourselves permission to have people in our lives who are nourishing to our souls, we will minimize negative emotions, experience more positive emotions and have a clear map for navigating through each day of our lives.
2.  Did you know?
I have been reading a new book called Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. It stresses the importance of relationships (family, spouse, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, peers) to our health and well-being and is based on science. I heartily recommend this book to anyone who would like to increase their happiness and well-being and suspect that their relationships with other need to be enhanced. This is especially important for introverts and people who have been raised to model isolation practices (like me). We can still find and develop what is optimal for ourselves in our own social networks. It will abate loneliness and increase positive emotions and meaning in our lives. Give yourself permission to skip paragraphs in the book that don't feel relevant to you, otherwise, it can be a long read. Here is an review on the book from Scientific American.
From Scientific American
We all recognize a special capacity that humans have—some more so than others—to connect with others in a deep and direct way. We see this quality expressed by a performer revving a crowd, a doctor healing a patient or a mother putting a child to sleep. To orchestrate these tasks, a person must sense and stimulate the reactions and mood of another. In 1995 Daniel Goleman, a Harvard University–trained psychologist and writer for the New York Times, published Emotional Intelligence, in which he discussed the human ability "to manage our own emotions and inner potential for positive relationships." Now he goes a step further. In Social Intelligence, he enlarges his scope to encompass our human abilities to connect with one another. "We are wired to connect," Goleman says. "Neuroscience has discovered that our brain’s very design makes it sociable, inexorably drawn into an intimate brain-to-brain linkup whenever we engage with another person. That neural bridge lets us affect the brain—and so the body—of everyone we interact with, just as they do us." Each encounter between people primes the emotions. This neurological pas de deux stimulates our nervous systems, affecting hormones, heart rate, circulation, breathing and the immune system. Goleman peppers his discourse with anecdotes to illustrate the power of social intelligence. From the countertop of Rosie Garcia, a multitasking baker in New York’s Grand Central Terminal, to the tantrum-tainted class of a Texas teacher, he shows how social sensitivity and wisdom can profoundly reshape conflicts. In one encounter in Iraq, a quick-witted U.S. commander turned a Muslim mob’s threats into laughter when he ordered his soldiers to kneel, lower rifl es and smile—averting a potentially fatal clash. Goleman deftly discusses relevant neural pathways, including the thalamus and amygdala, which together regulate sensory and arousal stimuli. He speaks of spindle cells, which rapidly process social decisions; of mirror neurons, which sense another’s movements; of dopamine neurons, which react to pleasure-inducing neurotransmitters that flow freely while two lovers gaze. The author’s introductory tour through this emerging research landscape helps readers grasp core concepts of social neuroscience, illustrating abstractions with poignant anecdotes, without excessive jargon. Goleman also explains how such research may influence our lives. Given our socially reactive brains, we must "be wise," he says, and be aware of the ways that our moods influence the biology of each life we touch.
3.  Quote - Thoughts on judgment from the spiritual writings
Here is a quote that reminds us of the basics from which we can "judge" our fellow human being:
210. O Children of Men! Do ye know why We have created you from one clay? That no one should glorify himself over the other. Be ye mindful of how you were created. Since We created you all from the same substance, ye must be as one soul, walking with the same feet, eating with one mouth and living in one land, that ye may manifest with your being, and by your deeds and actions, the signs of unity and the spirit of oneness. This is My Counsel to you, O people of Lights! Therefore follow it, that ye may attain the fruits of holiness from the Tree of Might and Power.

(Compilations, Baha'i Scriptures, p. 175)

4.  Action step for you
Try this: Listen to your thoughts for one day or even the next ten minutes. Notice the judgments you make of yourself. Now, each time you notice a judgment of yourself that is not enhancing your higher self, re-word it so that you are making a more positive statement about yourself. See what happens. What new feelings do you get as a result of this and what do those feelings tell you about yourself. It's a good one. Go for it! This can be the key to lifting depression, a mood or activating your potential each day.
5. Services & Products for you
The Companion Workbook to "Honouring Your Emotions" is back in electronic form as a 21-day E-course at the Introductory Price of only $10
IN TWENTY-ONE DAYS, YOU CAN INCREASE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. Yes, you read that right. This is a 21-lesson program delivered by e-mail that will allow you to take one small step each day to increase your ability to cope with life's challenges more easily, experience more positive emotion and reduce negative emotion. When you subscribe, you will receive a lesson each day by e-mail for 21 days complete with an action step for the day. It is doable. And, it makes a difference. The entire program is available for the first two hundred subscribers for only $10! Do you want to increase your emotional intelligence easily? Then click on You will be able to use your credit card through paypal with high security levels. Go ahead. It's very safe.
Want to read the book first? "Honouring Your Emotions: Why it Matters" is a groundbreaking book showing us the guidance contained in our emotions, the neurobiological messages of emotions and a groundbreaking 5-step model on how to process our emotions so that they benefit and augment our lives, so they are our guests and we are not their slaves. To buy the book, go to , click on programs and order for $19.95 CAN or $14.95 USD
Special Coaching Deal:  Anyone who receives this newsletter can now purchase coaching at $75 per one hour session or three for $200. What do you long for? As a member of Coachville, a community of 70,000 coaches, experience in the corporate world since 1991 and personal coaching since 1997, I can help you create your optimum life. Call me at 250-483-1877 to make an appointment for a 30 minute complimentary session to see if this might be a good direction for you. Or e-mail me at . Click on to find out more about coaching, your accelerator to a forward-moving life.
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Until next time
Regards to all of you
Johanna Vanderpol
Emotional Intelligence Coaching, Speaking, Telecourses
Let me take you where you want to go 

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