THE five minute EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EI) NEWSLETTER - by Johanna Vanderpol

Live the life you've always wanted through emotional intelligence -
Because of the masses of information we are subject to each day, I have purposely kept this newsletter brief. As a regular subscriber, this is a good way to increase your emotional intelligence little by little, day by day. Each issue will have an action step or exercise designed to increase your EI. This is my gift to you. Enjoy.

1. This Newsletter's Theme - LONELINESS - CURSE OR BLESSING
2. Did you know? - Some research on loneliness in youth
4. Action step for you
5. Announcements - Talk at Bolen Books, Victoria, BC, Tuesday, April 22, 2008 7 PM, Free EI Quiz handout, More info: see below
1.  Loneliness: Curse or Blessing
Loneliness is a message. Loneliness is an emotional state that signals the need for connection.
Sometimes, that connection may be in the form of needing connection with self. If you don't have a good connection with yourself, connection with others may not provide what you need. Most of us think we need to connect with other people, but there is a deeper need of being in communication with self in a loving, enjoyable kind of way. It may mean that we need to hear a part of ourself that is yearning to be heard within. It could be as simple as needing a drink of water or to eat a nice meal or rest or many other things but not giving ourselves permission. It may mean that we need to accept a quality or emotional state in ourselves that we currently are not accepting because we attach a negative connotation to it. The truth is, if we are grumpy or angry or anxious or depressed, we start there, accepting what is. It is only from that starting point that any change can be made. But first, it has to be accepted so it can be heard.
Loneliness can also signal a need for connection with others. That need could be as simple as going to a cafe for a cup of coffee and being in an environment where there are other people even though you may not talk to anybody. Or it may be something that requires you to build a sense of continuity in your life where the kind of people and people environments you enjoy become a regular part of your life and has its own momentum.
And if you already have connection with others during a large part of your day and you still feel lonely, it may signal a need for more like-minded people to be in your life. I recently discovered that some people who are very bright or intelligent are actually gifted adults and they don't know it. If they are not with similar individuals, they feel like a fish out of water. And that 'fish out of water' feeling can be with them their whole lives unless they identify their giftedness. If you suspect that you are 'smarter than the average bear' but don't really know it, take a look at the assessment to determine giftedness in a book called "Liberating Everday Genius: A Revolutionary Guide for Identifying and Mastering Your Exceptional Gifts" by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen. But I digress somewhat.
Loneliness can also be the result of what is referred to as a 'nourishment barrier.' This means that you may be receiving nourishment from various people and activities but discounting it by saying things like, "It's not good enough." "It's only temporary." "They don't really like me; they are just being polite." Do you recognize it? What messages do you give yourself? Watch your "yeah, buts..." If this is you, you can start to change this by writing a couple of times each week the activities you took part in with people and write down what nourished you. You will begin to see that your cup is fuller than you think. Watch what your internal dialogue comes up with to discount the writing. After a few weeks of this, you will feel different and the "yeah, buts..." will quiet down somewhat and you will have more power over them instead of them having more power over you.
Some of us choose to have limited contact with family of origin members because it is actually unpleasant or unhealthy and sometimes harmful to one's self-esteem. Our choice to limit contact with unhealthy people environments whether it be family or someone else is a self-protective mechanism. This is essentially a good thing because we care enough about ourselves to choose to protect ourselves from that which harms us in some way. And a side effect of this may be a loneliness for family. We can live with this when we nourish ourselves in a number of other ways, with close friends, possibly living in a shared family type situation.
And then there is the loneliness that can follow the end of a significant relationship. After the hurt and anger and grief or sadness over the loss has subsided somewhat, the next thing that might be felt is loneliness. This is actually a good sign that you are now ready for more connectedness in your life, not necessarily with a new significant partner but more from various activities with various people.
And, finally, you may have some very strong beliefs or thinking patterns that keep you in a pattern of loneliness or distort your reality. Again, it can be identified by your internal dialogue. It may go something like this: "It will always be this way because it has always been this way." "I am an introvert." "I will never be able to change this." "I was raised in a model of isolation."
You know what?... All these things can be changed. The words 'never' and 'always' don't need to apply anymore. There is hope. It can be done easily, step by step.
What creates loneliness for you?
Your assignment for this week (should you choose to accept it) is to choose to do one thing differently this week that would invite more connection with other people who you enjoy and who are good for you into your life. I wish you a rich and happy life full of connections with other people that enhance your life. EnJOY!
Would you like to work with a coach to remove the patterns of loneliness from your life once and for all. Email me at to book an appointment for a complimentary 30 minute session. To learn more about the messages in your emotions, take a look at excerpts from my book "Honouring Your Emotions: Why it Matters" now in it second printing. Take a look at the excerpts at . Click on "Sample" from Chapters 1, 2 and 3 and read the Introduction. Or, buy the book online.
Honouring Your Emotions is simply written and full of profound wisdom and practical advice on how our emotions, when appropriately managed rather than suppressed, can guide us toward a more joyous, richer life. i heart-ily recommend Johanna's beautiful little book to everyone. -- Dr. Candace B. Pert, PhD, Author of Molecules of Emotion Honouring Your Emotions is simply written and full of profound wisdom and practical advice on how our emotions, when appropriately managed rather than suppressed, can guide us toward a more joyous, richer life. I heart-ily recommend Johanna Vanderpol's beautiful little book to everyone.

- Dr. Candace B. Pert, PhD., Author of Molecules of Emotion
Click here to read more
2.  Did you know?
Loneliness and Depression are Linked

The Health Canada report found that the factor teens connected most strongly with depression was loneliness. Twenty-one percent of girls and 11 percent of boys said they very often or rather often felt lonely.

Ms Rice says that this point is crucial, if society is to provide a healthier environment for young people particularly women. 'Loneliness is about a lack of connectedness. Why do young people feel a lack of connection to the world they live in? Why do young women so often feel a lack of understanding from their parents, other adults and many of their peers? Why do they feel so alone during this period of transition and how does loneliness relate to poor body and self image?'

Teens draw connections between many of these same issues. In the Health Canada report, factors that were connected with loneliness included concern about body image, poor relationships with parents, helplessness and lack of confidence. Teens who reported loneliness also reported being bullied more often.
- from 

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.”

 Dag Hammarskjold quotes (Swedish Statesman and United Nations official, 1905-1961)


“It's so lonely when you don't even know yourself.” - anonymous


“Language... has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone.”

 Paul Tillich quotes (German born American Theologian and Philosopher, whose discussions of God and faith illuminated and bound together the realms of traditional Christianity and modern culture. 1886-1965)

4.  Action step for you
What one new activity will you try on in the next seven days to create connection with other people? Report the results to someone. See what happens.
Questions, stories? email me
5. Announcements
Would you like to meet the author of "Honouring Your Emotions: Why it Matters?"
Would you like to hear about the five-step RHUME™ model of processing emotions and using your emotions as your personal guidance system? Then hear her speak in Victoria, BC.
Tuesday April 22, 7 pm , Bolen Books, Victoria BC, 1644 Hillside Ave. Free of charge.

Johanna Vanderpol

In her groundbreaking book Honouring Your Emotions: Why it Matters, writer and emotional wellness expert Johanna Vanderpol looks at the role of emotions in our lives, from despair to a life of optimal health and happiness, explaining their purpose and how we can use them as an internal guidance system using the trademarked 5-step model from her book. Receive a free emotional intelligence quiz. Find out why emotions determine 50% of our physical illness.


Free Download "The Top Ten Ways of Honouring Your Emotions Starting Today" at .

The Companion Workbook to "Honouring Your Emotions" is back in electronic form as a 21-day E-course at the New Price of $21
IN TWENTY-ONE DAYS, YOU CAN INCREASE YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. Yes, you read that right. This is a 21-lesson program delivered by e-mail that will allow you to take one small step each day to increase your ability to cope with life's challenges more easily, experience more positive emotion and reduce negative emotion. When you subscribe, you will receive a lesson each day by e-mail for 21 days complete with an action step for the day. It is doable. And, it makes a difference. Do you want to increase your emotional intelligence easily? Then click on You will be able to use your credit card through paypal with high security levels. Go ahead. It's very safe.
WANT TO READ THE BOOK? "Honouring Your Emotions: Why it Matters" is a groundbreaking book now in its second printing showing us the guidance contained in our emotions, the neurobiological messages of emotions and a groundbreaking 5-step model on how to process our emotions so that they benefit and augment our lives, so they are our guests and we are not their slaves. To buy the book or read more, go to and order for $19.95 CAN or USD. Now sold internationally.
New Lower Price for E-book: The e-book (an exact duplicate of the print book) has been reduced from $14.95 to $9.95 CAN or USD. You will also save postage costs. And you will be able to download it immediately onto your computer and start reading it right away. Order it now and learn how your emotions are better for you than you thought.
HIRE A ONE-ON-ONE PERSONAL LIFE COACH:  Anyone who receives this newsletter can now purchase coaching at $75 per one hour session or three for $200. What do you long for? As a member of Coachville, a community of 70,000 coaches, experience in the corporate world since 1991 and personal coaching since 1997, I can help you create your optimum life. Call me at 250-597-2765 to make an appointment for a 30 minute complimentary session to see if this might be a good direction for you. Or e-mail me at . Click on to find out more about coaching, your accelerator to a forward-moving life.
Need a Speaker for your organization? Go to to see speaking topics. E-mail me at to inquire about other related topics or customize an energizing and inspiring talk for your organization.
Please forward this newsletter to someone you think would enjoy it.
Warmly, Johanna Vanderpol
Emotional Intelligence Coaching, Speaking, Telecourses
Let me take you where you want to go 

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