THE five minute EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EI) NEWSLETTER - by Johanna Vanderpol

Live the life you've always wanted through emotional intelligence -
This newsletter is a good way to increase your emotional intelligence little by little, day by day. Each issue will have an action step or exercise designed to increase your EI. This is my gift to you. Enjoy.

1. This Newsletter's Theme - EMPATHY - Strength or Weakness
2. Action step for you
3. Did you know? - Some research on empathy
5. Announcements
In my opinion the BarOn Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i), is one of the best EI assessment tools out there. According to the EQ-i model, Emotional Intelligence is divided into 15 EI competencies across 5 realms. This newsletter is the first in a series of explorations of the 15 EI competencies. We will begin with the EI competency of Empathy which makes for more successful leaders and managers in the workplace as well as better relationships in our personal worlds.
1.  Empathy - Strength or Weakness?
What is Empathy anyways? Well, let's start with a definition taken from p. 111 of The EQ Edge by Steven Stein and Howard Book: [Empathy is] the ability to be aware of, to understand and to appreciate the feelings and thoughts of others. Empathy is "tuning in" (being sensitive) to what, how and why people feel and think the way they do. Being empathic means being able to "emotionally read" other people. Empathetic people care aout others and show interest in and concern for them.
So why would this matter? Because, if you want successful and pleasant dealings with other people, if you want to be truly seen and met and heard, if you prefer collaborative partnerships, if you want better customer relations, if you want a happy marriage, in short if you want your dealings with people to be pleasant and meaningful in your personal and work environment, it would be in your best interest to explore how empathetic you are in your daily dealings with people now and how you could experiment by being more empathetic and see what happens in your relationships, even just for one day or for one week. You will experience more pleasant interactions that just weren't there before.
My personal observation is that women are more attuned to practising this quality than men. However, men have this ability just as much as women. So why aren't they using it more? Well, in our macho culture it was seen as soft and hence weak. But the real truth is that men who have high performance and success in their lives as well as the lives around them do listen between the lines to what others have to say. They ask the right questions (non-threatening) and gather information about the other person's needs and concerns. They make it safe for others to express their concerns. And they care about what the other person needs in their life in order to be happy and successful. And they don't presuppose that they know what it is that the other person needs. They ask them. From that information, they are able to proceed to craft and environment or plan that motivates others to participate in that plan. This can be applied in the business world as well as in family life.
Empathetic statements begin with the word "you" as in "you must be feeling or thinking...". Or, even better, you can ask how another person must be feeling or thinking instead of presuming anything. Presumptuousness can feel very unattractive to the receiver. The number one question to hold in your mind when listening to another person is "how are they feeling?" It is a question of curiosity. If you can craft genuine curiosity in your dealings with other people, you are well on your way to crafting the skill of empathy as well.
I think empathy is the number one skill to develop for pleasant, rewarding and successful relationships. Anyone has the ability to improve their skills of empathy. And that includes you guys out there. You may think it is not that important, but think again. In fact, try it out for yourself. Challenge yourself to the action step below for one week and observe the results. People love to feel heard. They love to have their feelings validated. Don't you?
And while you are at it, treat yourself with empathy too and see some internal changes.
Empathy has the power to change relationships.
2.  Action step for you
Would you like more successful relations in any areas of your life? Then try this action step:
1. For one day to one week (you choose a time frame to commit to), listen to other people. Listen on the phone, in emails, in person, bumping into someone on the street, the waiter/waitress in the restaurant, in the post office, anywhere. Listen. Don't interrupt. Don't formulate what you will say in response. Don't judge. Be silent. Just listen. Look for cues as to what is going on, things you might have missed before.
2. When there is a longer pause than you usually allow, speak by perhaps asking a question. Some sample questions to elicit more information are: What do you need to make that happen? What do you need from me? How can I help? How does that make you feel? Open-ended questions that cannot be answered by a yes or no shows the other person respect that their opinions, feelings and needs are valuable. Lack of suggestions and advice can sometimes be the most honouring experience another person can have from you. And, it puts them in the driver's seat.
3. See their good qualities they are bringing to the table in what they are sharing with you and let them know what you see.
Would you like to work with a coach to create a pattern of empathetic relating to improve your relationships? Email me at to book an appointment for a complimentary 30 minute session. To learn more about the messages in your emotions, take a look at excerpts from my book "Honouring Your Emotions: Why it Matters" now in it second printing. Take a look at the excerpts at . Click on "Sample" from Chapters 1, 2 and 3 and read the Introduction. Or, buy the book online.
Honouring Your Emotions is simply written and full of profound wisdom and practical advice on how our emotions, when appropriately managed rather than suppressed, can guide us toward a more joyous, richer life. i heart-ily recommend Johanna's beautiful little book to everyone. -- Dr. Candace B. Pert, PhD, Author of Molecules of Emotion Honouring Your Emotions is simply written and full of profound wisdom and practical advice on how our emotions, when appropriately managed rather than suppressed, can guide us toward a more joyous, richer life. I heart-ily recommend Johanna Vanderpol's beautiful little book to everyone.

- Dr. Candace B. Pert, PhD., Author of Molecules of Emotion
Click here to read more
3.  Did you know?
Research on Roots of Empathy
Since 2000, there have been seven independent evaluations of the effectiveness of Roots of Empathy, as well as two reviews of the program as a whole. Research has been conducted in Canada and internationally.
Consistently Positive Results
Across five studies at the University of British Columbia, one at the University of Western Australia, and one by the Manitoba government (through Healthy Child Manitoba), results showed that compared to comparison groups, Roots of Empathy children demonstrated:
- Increased social and emotional knowledge
- Increased prosocial behaviour (e.g. sharing, helping and including) with peers (as rated by teachers)
- Decreased aggression with peers (as rated by teachers)
This is particularly significant because children in the comparison classrooms showed increases in aggression across the school year.
Researchers in British Columbia and Australia looked at specific types of aggression, i.e., proactive (bullying), physical, relational and reactive. All three of these studies showed a significant decrease in bullying.
Studies also showed that Roots of Empathy children felt their peers shared and helped more, and were more inclusive. The children also reported an increased sense of classroom belonging and peer acceptance.
Lasting Results
In 2001, the Government of Manitoba commissioned a three-year follow-up study of Roots of Empathy, measuring prosocial behaviour, physical aggression, and indirect aggression. Results show a significant improvement in all three behaviours in ROE children immediately after the program, with improvements in behaviours maintained three years later, and some behaviours continuing to show improvement.
For more information:
4.  Quotes - Empathy is part of love and unity - Take an action step
"This is a brilliant century. Eyes are now open to the beauty of the oneness of humanity, of love and of brotherhood. The darkness of suppression will disappear and the light of unity will shine. We cannot bring love and unity to pass merely by talking of it. Knowledge is not enough. Wealth, science, education are good, we know: but we must also work and study to bring to maturity the fruit of knowledge. Knowledge is the first step; resolve, the second step; action, its fulfillment, is the third step."
-- Abdu'l-Baha, Abdu'l-Baha in London, p. 54, see
5. Announcements
Increasing Your Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Well-Being by hiring a professional coach will help you to:
- avoid or eliminate/reduce depression, anxiety and insomnia
- strengthen your immune system
- reduce suseptibility to colds and viruses
- feel happier, healthier and whole
- eliminate/reduce chronic illness
- end a hohum life
- find what you need to live a flourishing life
- make major lifestyle changes that you need help with
- reduce feelings of despair, increase hopefulness, optimism and enthusiasm
Are you ready for any of the above benefits?... call me to make an appointment for a 30 minute complimentary session 250-597-2765
Anyone who receives this newsletter can now purchase coaching at $75 per one hour session or three for $200 plus GST of 5%. What do you long for? As a member of Coachville, a community of 70,000 coaches, experience in the corporate world since 1986 and coaching since 1997, I can help you create your optimum life. Call me at 250-597-2765 to make an appointment for a 30 minute complimentary session to see if this might be a good direction for you. Or e-mail me at . Click on to find out more about coaching, your accelerator to a forward-moving life.
Need a Speaker for your organization? Go to to see speaking topics. E-mail me at to inquire about other related topics or customize an energizing and inspiring talk for your organization.
Law of Attraction Tele-Course starting September, 2008
Have You Seen "The Secret?"
Apply "The Secret" to your own Life
A Four-Week TeleCourse
Attract the Law of Attraction
Why would you want to attend this course?
apply the role of emotions in the law of attraction
begin with the small stuff
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use my personal success formula
reduce your internal angst about it working
watch it happen in the first week
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tune into your guidance system
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New course starting Mondays, September 8, 15, 22, 29, 2008 from 8-9 pm PT.
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Warmly, Johanna Vanderpol
Emotional Intelligence Coaching, Speaking, Training, Telecourses
Let me take you where you want to go 

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