THE five minute EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EI) NEWSLETTER - by
Because of the masses of information we are subject to each day, I have
purposely kept this newsletter brief. However, if you remain a regular
subscriber, this is a good way to increase your emotional intelligence little by
little, day by day. Each issue will have an action step or exercise designed to
increase your EI. This is my gift to you. Enjoy.
1. Four Week Series - Jumpstart Your Emotional Intelligence
- $99 US - Four Mondays beginning Oct 4 - delivered by phone - 8 to 9
pm - Register at www.johannavanderpol.com
Do emotions get the better of you? Did you know that emotions that are
suppressed cause chronic illnesses? Do you feel like your emotions can be a
rollercoaster. Then take this series. It is an introduction to the positive
power and true meaning of emotion. You will take away some practical steps to
start you on the journey to making emotions work for you instead of against
A teleclass is a class conducted by phone. All participants dial a specific
phone number given to them and can all hear each other. It is a long-distance
call at your normal long-distance rates. A virtual classroom!
2. I currently have four spots left for coaching clients.
Coaching creates a program specially for you and keeps you on track in
spite of obstacles. If you might be interested in hiring a coach, call me for a
20 minute complimentary session. I can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org
1-705-876-0962. See my website at www.johannavanderpol.com
information on coaching.
ISSUE THREE, SEPTEMBER, 2004
1. Building Emotional Resilience - a personal story
2. Did you know? From the research
4. Action step for you
1. Building Emotional Resilience
Being able to tolerate the
pain of an emotion and letting it take its natural course is known as "emotional
muscle." Building emotional muscle is much like going to the gym. It takes
practice. But, when we do this, we build our ability to face the emotions that
difficult situations bring. We don't shy away from intimate emotional
experiences with other people. And we leave ourselves open to experiencing a
Grief is a good example of
an extremely uncomfortable emotion. When we have lost someone or something dear
to us, grief builds up. We can feel it in our bodies. It builds like the waves
of the ocean. We can distract ourselves by getting busy or we can be present to
it, take deep breaths, breath through it, remind ourselves this too shall pass
and cry if that is what the body says it needs to do until the grief subsides.
And subside it will. It doesn't feel like it will go away but it does subside -
in less than twenty minutes. It will come again but it will become less intense
and less frequent over time.
I am very familiar with
grief. In 1989 my seven-year-old son was hit by a car and died. The intensity of
emotion in this situation felt too large to bear. My body somehow knew how to
move through it in smaller segments. I now appreciate the wisdom of the body. I
had many, many moments of intense grief that felt as if my chest was going to
split apart. I learned to stay with the emotion, to breathe through it and to
wait. If I proceeded in this way, the storm of emotional waves would wash over
me and would subside. I learned to stay with these moments instead of trying to
suppress or evade them. In this manner, the feelings of grief washed over me
again and again to completion. They did not get stuck in my body and they were
not permanent. I did not fall off a metaphorical cliff although I felt like I
would. I did survive.
I gave myself permission
to have all of my feelings. Eventually they became less intense and less
frequent. I gradually went on with my life. This event, more than any other in
my life, taught me that emotions will not consume me if I let them take their
natural course of events. I learned to build "emotional muscle", the ability to
tolerate emotional discomfort of one of the most intense kinds. I do not see
myself as a superhero. In fact, I have always felt I was a bit on the weak side,
not a tough person. I believe that anyone has the capacity to do this if they
choose to. The trick is to realize that it will pass and you will survive.
-- excerpt from ebook
Honouring Your Emotions: Why It Matters by Johanna Vanderpol
2. Did you know? From the research
...And when we focus on emotions,
it suddenly becomes very interesting that the parts of the brain where peptides
and receptors are richest are also the parts of the brain that have been
implicated in the expression of emotion. I don't remember whether it was Michael
or I who said the words first, but both of us had the gut feeling that we were
right: "Maybe these peptides and their receptors are the biochemical basis
of emotion." Finally, we were looking at the implications of the fact that the
limbic system had the densest concentration of these receptors.
Coud it be that we were seeing
the molecules of emotion?
-- from Molecules of
Emotion ,1997, by Dr. Candace B. Pert, PH.D., p. 178
-- an exciting and huge contribution
to the growing body of knowledge on emotions
Some quotes to remind
us of our great nature and abilities as human beings:
Dost thou think thyself only
a puny form, when the universe is folded up within thee?
The Secret of Divine Civilization, p. 19)
Noble have I created thee, yet
thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast
The Arabic Hidden Words)
4. Action step for you
Honouring your emotions is the key to
a sense of well-being and less health problems. It is a significant factor in
the well-being of all humankind. However, giving ourselves permission to be
honouring to ourselves seems to be difficult. We are taught to be hard on
ourselves, yet the religious and moral messages we receive is to be kind to
others. Today we will look at a tool we can use that comes from the science of
positive psychology that focuses on our strengths instead of our shortcomings.
Focusing on our strengths will bring ourselves into balance by acknowledging
this missing piece. The Authentic Happiness Program, founded by Martin Seligman,
Ph.D. contains an free assessment tool that identifies your top five strengths
out of 24.
2. The next day, allow yourself to
focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses for one full day.
3. Observe how you feel by making
this change for one day.
4. Imagine the possibilities if this
is how you think and feel as your new pattern.
P. Seligman, Ph.D., is the Fox Leadership Professor of Psychology at
the University of Pennsylvania, the founder of the field of Positive Psychology,
a Past President of the American Psychological Association (1998), and the
author of 20 books including his most recent best seller, Authentic Happiness:
Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting
Fulfillment. With Chris Peterson, he is co-author of the newly-released
Character Strengths and Virtues: A Classification and Handbook. He is also the
co-founder of Authentic Happiness Coaching LLC.
I provide one-on-one coaching as a
Certified Coach by phone in the Authentic Happiness Program. If you are
interested, contact me at email@example.com
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more useful for you or ways that it has helped you.
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